Tower Cranes Newest Hit Among Atlanta's Suicidal

By Matt Berger and Rick Hill
Smell the ATL
Atlanta
Who knew? The very equipment that’s used to help create life in Atlanta is also helping to end it. The cat's out of the bag in Atlanta's suicidal community. If you've had enough and you're ready throw in the towel, find a crane. It's the newest, hottest way to give the middle finger to a boss, spouse, debt-collector or anyone else who has ruined your life.
Jim Weathers, a 37-year old accountant who boasts more than $60,000 in credit card debt, a recently foreclosed house, and is a card-carrying member of the ASC (Atlanta's Suicidal Community) said, "Cranes makes sense in a city that's landlocked. I mean, where else are you going to jump from? It's not like there's a good bridge nearby."
When reminded of Atlanta's 17th Street Bridge, he replied, "That lame thing? I wouldn't jump off of that ugly, yellow bridge if my life depended on it. Besides, cranes are so easy to find. You don't have to drive far or deal with traffic. There are 13 in Buckhead as of 9:00 this morning. This is great for the suicidal community because when you're ready, the last thing you want to do is go searching for a way to end it all. You might come to your senses and change your mind or something. And we all know that any suicidal person worth a damn would never listen to reason. He'd just do it. No questions asked."
He then pulled out a piece of paper and continued, "I keep my suicide note in my pocket at all times. You just never know when your day might come."
So if you see a guy on top of a crane in Atlanta, there's a good chance he isn't building high-rises. It's Jim, or some other guy desperate for attention, building up the courage to swan dive into the concrete.
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